"Perhaps hardest of all, we have had neither a realistic way to measure our success nor many guidelines to get there. Most stepmothers told me they didn't consider themselves success stories. Why? Because their relationships with their stepchildren weren't all they wanted them to be, even though they had done many of the right things to build strong relationships.
"You may feel the same way. But I have good news for you: Your success does not depend on the outcome of your stepmothering efforts. Your success depends only on those things you can control—your attitudes, words, and actions (including the choice to accept God's grace and love). Your success as a stepmother does not—indeed, cannot—depend on those things you can't control, including the actions of your stepchildren. You can be a successful stepmother regardless of how they think, act, or speak. If stepchildren do turn out well and you have a good relationship with them, you can consider that an added bonus."
But I'm NOT a Wicked Stepmother!, p. 8